The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, May 8th, 2009

The Good:

The hobgoblin soldiers surrounded the dragonborn, snarling ferociously. With military precision, they locked shields and formed an impenetrable martial phalanx. They raised their swords and began to advance. Ekerath breathed in a deep breath and flame spewed forth, enveloping the monsters. The hobgoblins broke rank as flames engulfed them. Their wooden shields bust in fiery explosions. Skin charred and the soldiers screamed in agony.

(Ekerrath rolled a crit on a large group of hobgoblins)

The Bad:

Horns blasted and the battle to retake the city was met. From the signal tower, Mara used her bow to send a steel line anchor twisting through the air with incredible precision to bury itself into the wall below. A zip line was quickly set and Rudy scrambled across with ease. He was followed by the dragonborn, who clumsilyslid his way down to the top of the wall. Guards began to scramble to meet their invaders. The air was full of arrows.

The dextrous Leenia came next. She gripped the zip line with a preternatural agility and began to slide to the wall with ease. Until her fingers lost purchase, sliding on the line. She gripped with her other hand, but the shift was too sudden. She fell without sound into the darkness of the city below.

The Ugly:

It wasn’t looking good. At the bottom of the battlement steps, four hobgoblin guards surrounded Rudy, thrusting and stabbing at his small frame. Halfling blood spotted the ground. “Hey, guys! A little help over here!” shouted Rudy, desperately dodging and twisting to avoid razor-sharp sword blades.

”I’ll save you Rudy!” shouted the dragonborne. From 30 feet away, Ekerrath breathed in deeply and exhaled, sending a gout of blue=white fire into the fray. The hobgoblins were not caught unaware, however. Some raised their shields to block the flame. Others nimbly dodged out of the way. The hobgoblin directly in front of Rudy was one of those who dove away.

Leaving a bleeding, wounded Rudy to take a full white-hot blast of flame right to the face.

(Ekerath rolled a firebreath crit on a bloodied Rudy and subsequently missed all of his attacks on the surrounding hobgoblins)

Player Quotes:

(1) Josh: Do you guys know I looked on the internet for like two hours for a good horn? I couldn’t find one.
Jeff: So you’re telling us you were on the internet and looking for search term horny? And you’re saying that you ended up spending more than two hours reviewing horny pictures on the Internet, but you couldn’t find a good one, so you had to keep looking?

(2) (Josh passes paper to Bob. The paper contains a message sent to Alexander through a ‘whisper stone’ where the general of the army speaks into the stone and Alexander hears the voice through a second stone.)
Alexander: I just had Harbec on the stone and he says the attack on the city begins in approximately four minutes.
Rudy: The stone? That’s catchy.

(3) Rudy: There’s three hobgoblin soldiers over here. You’d better get your asses over here!
Adam: What? There’s three hot goblins with cute asses over there?
Rudy: Shut up!

(4) (Jeff unleashes a tremendous burp. )
Adam: Cuppies, I’d like your thunderwave card. Not the one you just made.
(The burp is exceptionally smelly.)
Jeff: Why are you crying?
Josh: Those are tears of joy.

(5) Joel: I attack with my mace. (rolls a low number)
Josh: You try to hit the creature and miss.
Joel: There is no try, there is only do. I’m not melee attacking more. I’m using lance of faith from now on. (rolls a 20)
Adam: Woah. Did you critical hit?
Joel: Crit!

(6) Adam: I breath my flaming dragon breath on the kobolds – it’s a critical hit!
(Josh sneezes.)
Jeff: Are you allergic to him critting?

(7) Jeff: Totally off topic here.
Adam: Everybody – Jeff is off topic. Sound surprised.
Everbody: (Gasp!)
Jeff: So the whale when it’s a baby gains 10 pounds every hour.
Bob: Ten pounds an hour? That’s 5 pounds every 30 minutes. 2.5 pounds every fifteen minutes, and 1.25 every seven minutes. Crazy.
Jeff: That’s 250 pounds a day.
Joel: It’s gained 3 pounds in the amount it time it took to tell this story!

(8) Mike: What are you doing Jeff?
Jeff: Looking for a new character miniature.
Rudy: Got one for me?
Jeff: Let’s see if I can find one with the smallest… sword. Here you are.
Bob: Damn, that’s a small.. sword.
Rudy: It’s like a pixie!!
Jeff: It’s not the size of the sword, Mike, but how you use it.

(9) (Josh draws the castle on the grid board.)
Rudy: Oh, look, this castle has nipples.
Adam: It’s a perky castle. It’s cold in this castle.

(10) Ekerath: Rudy’s up. Please hit him so that I don’t have to take damage from him.
Bob: Rudinate him. Halfpintinize him! Halfpinticize the beast!

(11) Rudy: Cuppies, can you cast a sleeping trance?
Cuppies: Uh, you mean a sleep spell?
Rudy: Yes!
Cuppies: I can sleep everyone but the monster?
Josh: Cuz the dead don’t sleep, remember?

(12) (When various people took second helpings of the great food served that night.)
Mike: Oh my god. Did the swine flu turn you into a pig?

(13) Ekerrath: Does anyone know what I roll to hit with my longbow?
Joel: No.
Ekerrath: I’m serious. I ‘ haven’t used it in so long, I don’t know.

(14) Josh: You have found a magical shield. Does anyone want it?
Ekerath: It’s not as good as the one I already have. No thanks.
Alexander: No. I prefer mine.
Rudy: I’ll take it. I can always sell it in a porn shop.
Josh: I don’t think you want to go to a porn shop. Pawn shop maybe?
Rudy: That depends.