The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Good:
The party broke into the gatehouse and charged the beefy guards, Half Pint leading the way. Five members of the party kept the first guard occupied, while Rudy engaged in one-on-one combat with the other. An epic slugfest ensued. The party wielded sword and magic against the guard, slowly wearing it down, while Rudy danced and dodged, singlehandedly doing devastating strikes to a guard that the rest of the party was having trouble harming.. The guards fell at the same time, with Rudy standing over the lifeless corpse.


The Bad:

The dragonborne grinned as three zombies lumbered towards him. In a sheer rain of steel, he struck at each one, decimating them. The three undead splintered into a mass of bone and flesh. As they fell, their pallid flesh began to pulse and suddenly explode, sending shards of bone racing towards the warrior. Three corpse explosions left the dragonborne a virtual pincushion of bone, hurting him deeply. It was at that moment, the dirt broke away from under his feet, and the form of a giant dracolich emerged.

"Uh - That's not good!" said Half Pint.


The Ugly:

The night sky was becoming lighter. Dawn would break in less than an hour, and the party still needed to capture the city watchtower and light the signal fires. Those in the group with low light vision and darkvision could see quite clearly now. Time was running out. To the party's surprise, the tower appeared old and uncared for. Parts of it were rotting, though still sturdy. White strands of something gossamer hung from the rafters, like streamers for a party. Gripping her bow and holding it notched, Mara bravely stepped forward. "Hey, I don't think you really want to --" was about as far as Ekerrath got.


Suddenly, a shadowy shape swooped down. With lightning speed it disappeared into the rafters - with Mara in tow! Mara had vanished.

"Yaaaah!" screamed Alexander, charging in.

"Oh hell," muttered Cuppies Jr, shaking his head.








Player Quotes:

(1) Leenia: We can dress up like hobgoblin females and offer some food to them.
Ekerath: We can dress up all sexy and seduce them!
Mike (from webcam laptop, remotely connected): What’s going on?
Mara: You’re missing some hobgoblin porn.

(2) Leenia: She climbs the ladder and with a sigh, flicks her wrist and sends a lance of white light at the orc. And rolls… an 8.
(laughter)
Josh: And she misses terribly.. putting it nicely.
Adam: Welcome back Leenia.

(3) Adam: Did you know your symbol of hope has a daily power?
Joel: No! That’s pretty neat.
Adam: And it gives you a +1 to hit.
Joel: Huh.
Adam: Did you know you should be adding +8 to healing?
Joel: I’ve only been adding +4.
Bob: Let me get this straight. You can’t figure out the right plusses to add to healing, yet you can navigate the entire US tax system?

(4) Leenia: I give a great big mean stare to the orc.
Bob: You’d better roll to see if that stare hits.
Leenia: I cast fear on the orc.
Josh: It misses. The orc shakes it off, then gives you the finger.
Adam: Do I get an opportunity attack when he gives her the finger?


(5) Mike: I do a torturous strike. Oh! A 19!
Josh: Is Mike dancing right there on the webcam?
Jeff: Is that dancing? Oh - I thought he was sick!

(6) Josh: I’m telling stories of DnD and you guys to my daughter at night when she goes to sleep as bedtime stories.
Adam: Stories about all of us?
Josh: Yes. And the funny thing is – she’s LOVING it! She’s eating it up. She can’t get enough of it!
Joel: Cool.
Josh: But in the story, you all have your names. Uncle Jeff the wizard. Uncle Joel the cleric.
Bob: Huh. She must think I’m such a dick.
Josh: No, that was before you found the sword.
Jeff: Yes, that was back when you were useful to the party.

(7) Leenia: I strike against the monster. I roll.. a 14.
Josh: That’s going to miss.
Leenia: You know, if Leenia were going to throw up, she’d miss the floor.
Jeff: You could use elven accuracy?
Leenia: No. I’ll save that for another miss.

(8) Bob: How did you meet your wife?
Adam: We were in the same circles.
Bob: Was it a blind date?
Jeff: Was alcohol involved?
Adam: No. Just hung out with the same circle of friends. And I made a stupid joke , like I normally do. And my best friend laughed. And my wife laughed. Out of a group of eight people, they were the only two people who laughed.



(9) Josh: Can we make Mikey louder? (on the laptop, since he was connected via webcam)
Jeff: Isn’t he loud enough?
Jen: You’re only 73% loud right now. Now you’re 173% louder.
Mike: Jen can you angle me right here?
Jen: Sure (adjusts the webcam)
Mike: (in a bedroom voice) Oh. Yes. That’s much better.

(10) Mara: I use a singular shot. I get +4 because it’s not adjacent to any enemies, and I get +3 because I rolled highest initiative in the group. That does 29 damage.
Joel: She would have done more, but she ran out of fingers.

(11)Josh: Once Rudy passes the entrance to the cemetery…
Jeff: ..Thriller!
Josh: Thriller happens.

(12) Leenia: So I will cast Lance of Faith.
Mara: Remember if you attack it gets a opportunity attack.
Jeff: It takes out a white glove and dances in unison with the other zombies?


(13)
Josh: I fed my daughter an egg. Then she let one off. I said ‘That’s classy.’ She said, ‘No – Jules at class!’
Jeff: Austin laughs and points at his butt when he passes gas. What’s that all about?
Bob: Huh. I do that now, and I’m 35.

(14) Josh: You see a tower that is covered with silken spider webs.
Ekerath: Great .
Rudy: Anybody have a housecleaner in this city?


(15) Josh: Which is fine, cuz I groped Mara already
Adam: You just can’t get caught.

(16) Josh: The spider grabs Mara and sucks her upwards.
Jeff: (as if nothing happened) So now let’s go see the other tower, huh?
Mara: Hey!
Rudy: There goes a perfectly good ranger.