The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Good:

The party creeps its way into the second level of the watchtower. Above them, they can hear movement and quiet conversation among guards. Half Pint creeps up the steps, observing the guards, and returning back to report his findings. The team of battle-hardened adventurers immediately draws a plan and springs into action. Cuppies Jr. murmurs a few words of elven and suddenly he disappears completely from view. The brawnier members of the group grip their weapons, preparing to race in. Cuppies creeps up the stairs, invisibly climbing into the midst of four guards. Before you can blink, he murmurs a word and the signal fire blinks out, extinguished. As two guards move to relight the fire, he murmurs a louder word. And suddenly a wall of sonic force smacks into the nearest three guards, nearly forcing them off the edge. From below, four archers see motion on top of the tower.

With catlike grace, Maraleans over the edge. Her bow whispers four times, and suddenly four arrows simultaneously sprout from the chests of the archers below. They fall back, dead. The party begins the massacre.



The Bad:

The conditions were perfect. An arid night, the sides of the watchtower were dry and had good grips. Half Pint had sent the grappling hook over the wall in an effortless toss that made such an exercise of dexterity seem simple. The adventurers divided into two groups. The first group, led by the hulking dragonborne, stayed below and watched the entrance to the tower. The second group, led by the stealthy halfling, would climb to the top of the watchtower on the rope attached to the grappling hook, surprise the guards and prevent them from lighting a signal fire. Half Pint led the climb, followed by the dexterous Eladrin wizard, with the human warlord bringing up the rear.



The halfling climbed the ropes easily, making it to the top of the battlement, waiting to hop over. The wizard, using his natural Eladrin agility, made it up twenty feet before pausing. Both looked down at the human. Alexander grabbed the rope and began to pull. In an incredibly awkward display, he shimmied up ten feet before the rope slipped out from under him. As he fell, his foot caught a knot and he got tied up slightly, banging loudly as his shield and sword clattered against the stone walls. He landed on the ground with a loud THUD. The guards above scrambled to attention.



So much for a stealthy beginning to the evening’s mission.





The Ugly:

Harbek had advised them that the two ships in the harbor were populated with warring clans. As the party advanced on the docks, they could see lizard-like humanoids guarding the ships. A plan was quickly hatched to convince the two sides that they were being attacked. The party split into two groups. The arches lit arrows and sent them flying into the opposing ship. The arrows fell short.

”Hey Mister! Your ship is under attack by that other ship!” shouted Rudy to the lizard guards. The guards frowned and glanced at each other.

”No they’re not. There’s some people over there in hoods shooting arrows into the water.” The reptilian sentries replied.

”Oh – you’re wrong about that. It’s those other lizards on the ship. I heard them talking about you, planning an attack,” argued the halfling.

”No, see. Look. The city guard is walking over to them right now. Drunk troublemakers, most likely.”



The crack stealth team of adventurers had failed. The lizardfolk weren’t falling for it. And now they had raised the attention of the cityguard. Once they realized there was a dragonborne and elf among them, the whole mission would fail…

Player Quotes:



(1) Bob: Does anyone have any tips on Facebook? I just joined up this week.
Jeff: It’s hard for us to manage Facebook as teachers. When your students graduate senior year and try to friend you, you find yourself in a weird position. You’d like to keep in touch, but there’s this intermingling of professionalism and informality.
Bob: So what do you do in those cases?
Jeff: Well… It depends on whether she’s got nice pictures or not..
Amy: Guys, we have a five-year old herein the room!

(2) Josh: When we last left our intrepid adventurers, we learned the fight begins tomorrow. Hasborac greets you and states--
Jen: Wait, wait. Did he say it?! He didn’t say it!
Adam: Yes he did say it. You missed it!
Jen: He did? I didn’t hear it.
Josh: I said when “We last left our heroes—“
Jeff: “--Immediate interrupt!”

(3) Josh: The signal fires are lit on top of the watchtowers.
Jeff: We could have gone..All Along the Watchtower..

(4) Josh: Roll against athletics to climb the tower.
Mike: 18.
Jeff: 16
Bob: Uh. 2.
Josh: You fall. Roll against stealth to see if they notice you.
Alex: Uh. 2.
Jeff: Does that die have any other sides?
Josh: A six-sider has better chances with you right now than that 20!


(5) Josh: Alexander falls from the rope.
Jeff: Say something cool, say something cool, say something cool.
Adam, Jeff: I fell on my bottom!

(6) Josh: This one moves..five.. and grabs a stick of flaming fire.
Jen: As opposed to what other kind of fire?

(7) Josh: You see two figures thirty feet up on the watchtower. Guards, most likely.
Mara: What’s the tangent of 60? (writing furiously)
Bob: 1.732005081
Mara: What’s that times 15?
Bob: 25.9807
Mara: Okay. 26 feet. Josh, while standing and aiming her bow at a 60 degree angle, assuming the guards are six feet tall on top of a thirty foot watch tower, Mara has the angle to pick off a guard in the head from where she’s standing.

(8) Adam: Is that ‘Oxygen’ magazine?
Josh: It’s my wife’s.
Mike: Who’s that model in the bikini on the front page?
Jeff: Her name is Lisa Gleeson.
Jen: Mara’s going to …work on her abs.
Mike: Jeff needs two minutes in the bathroom.
Jeff: What do I do with the other minute?

(9) Jeff: I cast magic missile on the minion.
Josh: It hits. He’s dead.
Bob: That’s like killing a fly with a sledgehammer, right there.


(10) Mike: That’s the one thing I need to remember now. I need to add in combat advantage now.
Jeff: AND.. you need to roll your own dice now.

(11) Josh: I assume you dragged the bodies down into the sewers afterwards.
Jeff: Actually, I piled them up on the roof and burned them.
Josh: Lighting the signal fire and warning the town of the approaching army enemy? Contravening the very secret mission you were sent to accomplish?
Jeff: Oh.. uh. No. I don’t do that.

(12) Josh: You wander the sewers, hearing Gricks hunting.
Jeff: I cast Thunderwave!
Josh: It hits. The walls shake, dropping stale crap on your head.
Jeff: Eh. It happens.

(13) Adam: Mara, did you just roll a d20 for your damage?
Josh: No, that’s Mike who rolls d20.
Jeff: No, he rolls two d20s!

(14) Jeff: I make a ghost sound of a catapult being fired.
Adam: What’s a catapult being fired sound like?
Jeff: Like a spitball, sort of.