The good, Bad, and UGLY

The Good:
(1) The bugbear let out a gutteral laugh. These interlopers may have slain Gruuhd and Retch, but he had taken one of them down, and he could smell death coming off the rest. The dragonborne would be next to go. He would relish eating its insides. This pitiful group of adventurers had nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. The swamp was too thick for them to escape. They had barely scratched him. He raised his greatclub in what would be a damning blow.

When Ekerrath pulled upon inner reserves, and wielding his great axe in a Herculean display neatly decapitated the beast!

Suddenly things were looking up.

The Bad:
(1) The bugbear let out a primal roar and chased the wounded party members out of the Citadel of Seasons, the hobgoblin skirmisher following behind it. Blood trailed the adventurers as they shambled, wounded, around the corner of the entrance. Death stalked them in the form of a massive bugbear. They had only a minute - two at most - to act. "We could make a run for the Wizard's tower!" gasped Alexander. A gash from a club on his head refused to stop bleeding. "We'd never make it across the swamp," answered Ekerrath. At least four arrows protruded from the dragonborne's armor. Blood pooled at his feet. "Ekerrath! Don't you have deeper reserves? An unbound energy?" The severely wounded warrior shook his massive head. "That was depleted long ago."

Surprisingly, it was the wizard that grimly spoke the words they all were thinking:

"We take our stand here. Or we go down fighting."

The Ugly:
(1) Arrows filled the air like rain in a summer storm, piercing armor and muscle. What only a few moments ago had been a battle of six on two quickly reversed and turned. The wizard stayed too close to the fray, hoping to send acid into the creatures, and was smashed in the chest by the bugbear's great club. "Fall back!" shouted Ekerrath. The party began to retreat through the entrance, archers arrows raining down on them. Mara Hawkeye covered the retreat, nailing an archer in the shoulder, but she was too focused on her distant prey and temporarily forget the eight-foot bugbear just ten feet away. It was a mistake she'd never make again. The beast's greatclub smashed down upon her head. Cracking sounds could be heard.

The ranger went down in a heap amidst a hail of arrows.

Player Quotes:
(1) Adam [rolling a 4]: "Ouch."

Josh: "Here, use this die."

Adam: "Get that thing out of here. I'm gonna keep rolling with my die."

[rolls]

Adam: "Three. Crap."

(2) Bob: "Alexander spots a weakness in the bugbear and shouts to Half Pint. Half Pint gets a free attack from Commander's Strike. I sacrifice my attack to give him one."

Josh: "Bob, do you even have a weapon?"

(3) Josh: "The guards lay dead before you. An ancient stone statue stands at the entrance to the Citadel of Seasons. Do you touch it?"

Mara: "No."

Ekerrath: "No!"

Rudy: "Yes."

Josh: "The statue, ancient stone, crumbles to the ground in a heap at your touch. What, were you expecting something else?"

(4) Josh: "The bugbear attacks Leenia. What's Leenia's Armor Class?"

Joel: "Leenia's AC is....14."

Jeff: "14? What's Leenia wearing, like, lingerie?"

(5) Josh: "The goblin archers focus on Ekerrath. The first arrow glances off your armor. The second one... penetrates."

Adam: "Heh. I got penetrated."

(6) Josh: "In a bloody rage, the bugbear catches the wizard out of position. It swings and hits Cuppy Jr, Dragonslayer with a .... 28 against AC."

Jeff: "28 AC. Yes, I think that, uh, glances off....uh. He hit me."

Josh: "You take 10 damage."

Jeff: "Ten damage. Now what do I write here?"

(7) Jen [after being knocked unconscious in a desperate battle and avoiding getting killed]: "Guys, we were all superbad at DnD tonight."

Josh: "No. I was super good!"

(8) Josh: " The massive bugbear takes a javelin in the shoulder. Alexander hits for five. It is now bloodied. Finally."

Cuppy Jr: "You see that rock? He's not a machine!"

Ekerrath: "I must break you."

(9) Mike: "I attack the bugbear, and with sneak attack.. I have. 31?"

Josh: "Is that your damage?"

Mike: "No. That's my hit roll."

Josh: You know it's bad when I can't tell the difference between your hit roll and your damage."

(10) Josh: "You climb the stairway and look down into what was once the altar room. The four archers are there, holding full packs and accompanied by three female kobolds - concubines, apparently."

[Everyone looks at Jeff.]

Cuppy Jr: "What are they wearing?"

(11) Ekerrath: "Let's charge in and take them out!"

Leenia: "We don't have to kill them. The concubines haven't done anything to us."

Rudy: "...yet! Maybe if we're lucky, they will!"

(12) Josh: "The magical lift rises ever upward, powered by the presence of Leenia the cleric. It slowly stops four stories up the tower."

Bob: "Ding! Fourth floor. Evening wear! Hobgoblin lingerie. Axes."

(13) Josh: "Alright. Leenia. Your turn."

Leenia: "Let's see. Well. I can't hit those two from where I am. And there's no one else near me."

Josh (exasperated): "MOVE!"

Leenia: "OH! Yeah. I move!"

(14) Josh: "Rudy slashes with his katana. Number 6 takes 11 points and now takes combat advantage from everyone." [#6 is dead.]

Mike: "When you're dead, everyone has combat advantage against you."

(15) [After the beaten and bedraggled adventurers drag themselves back to the wizard tower to heal, suffering from terrible rolls.]

Mike: "Today's DnD adventure was brought to you by the number 3!"

(16) Adam: "Natural 20! with a 3[w] attack on a 1d12 axe, which is high crit and magic. Let's see.. that adds up to..."

Bob: "The bugbear explodes into a fine pink mist."